This month has been filled with a preoccupation: my new porcelain crown. It all started in April, right before ArtScene. They ground down my tooth that was broken off in 2nd grade (see illustration above) and replaced it with a temporary crown on May 3 that resembled a highlighter or canary color. Since May 3, my temporary and "permanent"crown has just popped off at the most convenient times: on my way to CHAPERONE PROM, while TALKING TO SOMEONE, and right before ADMINISTERING A FINAL EXAM (yesterday). A religious zealot and chain smoking tooth creator tried to match my teeth and somehow came up with a "permanent" crown that was much like a CHICLET in my mouth. I haven't smiled much in the last 6 weeks because of these events. Today, finally, I went to the dentist to get my final permanent crown installed. It was a match! How do you know this? Because I'm not in JAIL right now for assault. I mean, really? It's hard enough to stand in front of know-it-all teenagers WITHOUT something awry about your face. This has been a trying month just because of one ounce of porcelain. But guess what, May? I win, you lose.